• The impossible becomes possible.

    This tiger I bought when I was 5 weeks pregnant. It was the same time that a nurse told me to consider an abortion. She only saw concern for my life, when I saw concern for the life growing inside me. There were so many fears I had, and losing this baby was one of them. I was not going to purposely choose to lose him or her. I saw this at Target and it was the first purchase I made for my little one. It seems like such a little thing but it was such a big deal to have something tangible to hold onto while I was trying…

  • Left vs Right

    These are two medications I take daily. The left is a medication for my heart. It works to slow my heart down and allows my heart rate to be normal around 75% of the time. It doesn’t make my life normal but manageable. The right is an antidepressant. I have taken it for the last two years to help with depression and anxiety. It allows it to be reduced tremendously. It’s not a ‘happy pill’ but it makes every day a little more manageable. Both help me daily to be healthy so I can be the best wife and mother I can be. Yet, the one on the left society…

  • The number on the scale is just a number- not your worth.

    Yesterday I shared a post on facebook. It was about a young women who now knows her self-worth and the love of Jesus, and happens to weigh 50 lbs more than she did previously during the years of her struggles and unhappiness. Someone made a comment on the post I shared saying that they are tired of women saying they only love themselves when they’re fat, and that it’s their way of making excuses to eat unhealthy [or in their words, like crap]. This saddens me because we live in a society where women [and men] are made to feel unworthy based on their appearance. For some reason the world…

  • Admitting is half the battle.

    I’m exhausted. Two years ago I began taking an antidepressant. It helped, and I knew it helped. But it wasn’t till the past few weeks that I realized how much it helped. Five weeks ago, after my son was born, my prescription also ran out. With being new to motherhood, and putting everything into taking care of my baby, I’ve put myself on the back burner- like trying to renew my meds. I was off of them the first trimester of my pregnancy, and I could tell a difference in myself, but I honestly thought it was just pregnancy hormones- now I know this feeling isn’t and wasn’t just hormones.…

  • My Miracle.

    Tomorrow you’ll be three weeks old. I’m still in awe that you’re even here. You made it so far. We made it so far. The 9 months was not easy on either of us. I had many emergency room trips and hospital stays, just to make sure you and I were both safe. I just wanted you safe. At 5 weeks I had a nurse tell me an abortion was the best thing for my health, and carrying a child would be too much on my body. I was scared, but I didn’t care what happened to me, because you were a beautiful baby planned for this world. The first…

  • July and Triggers.

    I haven’t done this in a while. I’ve missed writing, but I’ve had a difficult time coming up with words to say, especially when I know others are reading it. One thing I’ve realized the past few months, and really the past year, is that I will probably have to live with these thoughts forever. Last summer was when it really started to take over, and since then, it’s been increasingly getting worse. {Read this to know what I am referring to- Post 1, Post 2, Post 3, Post 4}. As the 4th of July starts to come around the corner, I find the memories coming back full speed. And…