Tomorrow is hope.

For the past two and a half years I’ve dealt with a rapidly beating heart. People assume it’s no big deal, but having your heart beating out of your chest randomly, isn’t fun, and honestly besides being annoying, it can be painful. 

I’ve searched and searched for answers. Finally- doctors concluded, ‘Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia’, which there is currently no cure for, just medications to try to help slow the heart down. 

I’ve tried five medications, one being the newest one approved specifically for this condition- none worked enough for me to find relief. 

When I first was told, “It looks like IST. Just take this medicine to help you feel better”, I thought I would feel better. Over two years later, it’s gotten worse. 

My heart will beat so fast that I become nauseous, dizzy, endure extreme chest pain and sometimes black out spells.

Never did I think sitting in that room with what I thought to be just a fast heart, did I ever think my  life would come to this. 

Every single day I wake up wondering how bad I will feel. I wonder how high my heart rate will get that day, and if I’ll black out. 

There are moments that I wonder how I’ll be able to handle it getting worse. 

So many times I lost hope that a doctor would ever find a way to make this stop. So many times I told God that I couldn’t handle this life He gave me, and I was done. 

So many times I wanted to surrender and give in to my hearts rapid beats. 

I have been given a slight hope. Tomorrow I will have an EP Study performed (Cardiac Catheterization). The doctors will look to see if there is anything else causing my heart to beat so fast, and decide if it can be fixed. 

I am praying they can. 

I am praying that they find the cause to be something besides IST, so that they’re can be a cure. 

I am scared. Not because of the procedure, but I’m scared that when I wake up, they’ll tell me they can’t stop this. 

And this never going away is my worst fear. 

I will try my hardest to remember that God has a plan. I try to remember that every day, but there are some days it becomes really hard. 

Proverbs 3:5 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 
As hard as it is for me to say this, no matter the outcome tomorrow, God has a greater purpose than I can ever imagine, although my greatest prayer right now it to leave the hospital tomorrow with a normal beating heart. 
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