A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life. 

And then it happened yesterday: the beginning of another blackout. 

I was heartbroken all over again. I was on the verge of crying, and just wanted to go hide in my room, and lock everyone out. I have experienced a lot of high heart rates, a lot more than I had been recently, which scares me even more. It was suppose to be successful, yet I’m experiencing more episodes. 

I am trying to hold on to the hope that I’m still in recovery, and this isn’t permanent. 

I have been asked so many times this past week, “how are you doing?” – how am I suppose to respond? I don’t want anyone to pity me. I don’t want to see the disappointment on someones face when I’m still not feeling okay after a successful procedure. I already have enough disappointment in me, I don’t want anymore added. 

All I can do is pray. I am so lost. I don’t understand why I’m still having episodes with a successful procedure. But, I’m doing the only thing I know to do: trust God.