You hurt me, but you did not win.

You hurt me.

And you’ll never know.

You’ll never know the pain you caused or the damage you caused me in my future relationships.

You’ll never know and honestly, no one else will either. No one will ever truly understand what I’ve gone through the past year. No one knows the nightmares I have at night or the fear I feel in the dark, laying in bed.

Just like you will never know.

And maybe you do know. I sometimes wish I could sit across from you and explain to you what you caused but I know that you’ll never understand it. You’ll just put the blame on me, like you’ve done already.

But if I could get you to understand the damage you caused, maybe another girl will not go through this hell you’ve caused. And I pray everyday you haven’t already caused it to her.

I will never understand why “no” never meant “no” to you.

You liked to be in control, and that’s what you did. You controlled me.

And I admit, I allowed you to control me, but deep down I was scared of you. I didn’t know how to get away. It took me being 300 miles away to finally break free from the physical control, but the emotional part still lingers.

I don’t write this to make you think you won- because you didn’t.

But I didn’t win either. Neither of us did.

I write this in hopes that one day I’ll find the healing I so desperately want, and that if there’s someone else out there that was hurt in the same way you hurt me, that she’ll know she’s not alone, and with every day she can find beauty in the little things and slowly find the healing she deserves.

You hurt me, but that doesn’t mean you won.

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1 Comment

  1. BN, I am SO SORRY that this happened to you. Beyond words sorry.

    But not beyond anger, because you are someone I look up to, and someone I respect as much as I respect you should never be hurt.

    I hope you will understand when I say I wish that we were personally acquainted and I lived closer (and had health), for this individual would find that for some things, there is Hell to pay. And Hell does not take Visa.

    I know you will rise above this, BN, and that you will find the unfailing love you deserve. I have come to know you through this medium, and had I a son I would unhesitatingly suggest that he seek you out, if you would have him.

    You’re a hero. You are MY hero.

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