Me too.

[You might be seeing a lot of “me too” posted on your social media feed. If you do not know why, it’s a way that people are bringing awareness to the massive amounts of people that have been sexually harassed or assaulted. Writing “me too”, means you are in that statistic.]

I spoke out a while back, and it was the best thing I ever did. I will never be free from it. I’ve had people make comments that I should move on from this, and let it go. 

Nightmares cannot be simply let go. 

Panic attacks cannot be let go. 

The hurt cannot be let go. 

To the people that think it’s easy to move on from this pain- it’s not. It’s far from easy. I am married, and I still have nightmares. I am married, and I still have moments where I cannot emotionally, mentally, or physically handle being touched. I am married, and I still have moments where I question every single little thing. 

I am not married to the guy that caused me to write, “me too”. I am married to an amazing guy, that has treated me with the upmost respect from day one. 

and yet, I still am reaping the effects of the abuse. 

I used to promise myself I would never tell a soul. I promised I would forget about it, and move on. 

Well, moving on is impossible when you’ve been hurt in this way. 

Soon after, I developed very bad coping mechanisms. Some of which I am honestly surprised I am still alive. 

Sexual assault and rape bring on a tremendous amount of guilt, and shame, even though we did nothing wrong. Yet, in our eyes, we did. 

Afterwards, I felt like I could never say “no” to someone else. Scared if I did, the person would ignore me. I felt like my “no” would not matter. 

The fact that we live in a society where we are afraid to say “no” saddens me. 

The fact that we live in a society where there are millions of “me too” statuses saddens me. 

There are way too many people posting this. Way too many people have been hurt. Way too many people have been affected by someone that took something that did not belong to them. 

I think it’s amazing that people are speaking out. And it’s hard. It’s hard to type the two little words- me too. 

And you don’t have to. You don’t have to speak out. You don’t have to type those words if you are not ready. Speaking out before you are truly ready will only cause more pain. 

Tell a trusted friend. Write it out on paper. Pray about it. Tell yourself in the mirror. 

It doesn’t matter what you do. Speaking out doesn’t have to be writing a blog post, or sharing it with hundred of people on Facebook. It can simply be admitting to yourself that what they did was wrong. 

Admitting to yourself is the biggest step. 

It’s the right step in the right direction. 

Admitting the guy did something wrong was the hardest thing for me. I couldn’t imagine he’d ever want to hurt me. But, that was the lies I continued to feed myself, after him feeding it to me. 

Admit they were in the wrong– not you. 

Accept that it happened, and that you cannot go back in time. 

Acknowledge that you are not alone, even though it feels like it. 

Always remember that you are worthy of the right kind of love, even after this.