I’m exhausted. Two years ago I began taking an antidepressant. It helped, and I knew it helped. But it wasn’t till the past few weeks that I realized how much it helped. Five weeks ago, after my son was born, my prescription also ran out. With being new to motherhood, and putting everything into taking care of my baby, I’ve put myself on the back burner- like trying to renew my meds.
I was off of them the first trimester of my pregnancy, and I could tell a difference in myself, but I honestly thought it was just pregnancy hormones- now I know this feeling isn’t and wasn’t just hormones.
Depression is real. Anxiety is real. Needing medication is real.
This is what goes through someones mind with depression.
“Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not. Not at all. I’m depressed. I have anxiety. My biggest fear is rejection. I want to tell someone. Maybe I should tell you. I need someone to hug me. Tell me it’s all gonna be okay. I want to tell someone. I want to spill out everything. But what if I tell you, and you reject me? What if you think I’m asking for attention?”
“I’m fine, just tired. Thanks though”
We think this way. We try to say something. Anything. And we are frozen. A million things go through our minds. We decide to wait. We can tell someone another time. Another day. When it’s more convenient.
Let me tell you, it’ll never be more convenient.
I thought I could handle it. Being off medication. I wanted to be okay off it. Society tells you that you are weak if you need it.
But I want to tell you, admitting you need it is what makes you strong. You already won half the battle by just admitting those three words- I need help.
Don’t be afraid to admit it. Talk to someone. Anyone. Opening up to someone is scary. I know. But going through this kind of darkness alone is even scarier.