This month marks five years since I was first diagnosed with a temperamental heart. I’ve gone to more doctor appointments than I can count, and the longest I think I’ve ever gone in between appointments has maybe been around three months.
Today, I was cleared for six months. SIX.
I’ve been cleared for that long before, but I ended up going in earlier for an appointment.
I’m really hoping this six months is really six months.
I used to walk out to my car, upset, frustrated, mad at my body, mad at God. Honestly mad at everything. I would question why me. I would sit in my car and cry. I always hated leaving my appointments because I knew every single time I would break down in the parking lot. Break down because my body was failing me. The one organ that is suppose to beat properly to keep you alive was failing me.
Today, I walked out through the parking lot thanking God. I walked out with a smile on my face. I walked out feeling like my body was finally treating me right. Feeling like my heart was finally normal. Six weeks ago I was given a new medication, that I tried previously but for some reason it did not work then. But now- it works. Amazingly.
I’m on two medications. One- to slow my heart down [which I’ve been on for years], and a new one- to raise my blood pressure. Both of these together have given me so much. So far, no more black outs, no more weird episodes where I can’t talk or move, no more feeling like I’m running a marathon.
No more waking up scared of what the day will bring, and no more being scared to fall asleep at night in fear of what the night would bring.
I’m beyond thankful for a doctor truly cares for his patients. I’m thankful that God has never given up on me no matter how many times I’ve held all this against Him. I’m thankful for a husband, family and friends that have been by my side through it all the last few years.
I’m thankful for five years that has taught me so much and has allowed me to grow through many trials.
So I say goodbye [hopefully] to this building for six more months.
I used to dream of one day. I was so used to what an abnormal heart rate felt like, I didn’t know what normal would be like. But this new normal is pretty great.
So don’t give up. It might take years, but that one day will be oh so worth it.