I have struggled with anxiety for most of my life. I remember my first anxiety attack. I was around age 6. I obviously did not understand what it was at the time, but that feeling and moment has always stuck with me.
I dealt with anxiety and depression from then on. It never left, and always just got worse as the years went by. Anxiety has forced me to make decisions I never wanted to make, and depression left me avoiding things I didn’t want to avoid.
I always wanted to feel normal. I wanted to be able to do things without overthinking it a million times. I wanted to do things without panicking.
My struggles have been something I have been able to hide. I have been able to put a smile on my face and act as if I am okay.
It took me literally 20 years to make the leap and see a psychiatrist. I realized I couldn’t do this on my own anymore. Thankfully I have been on anxiety medication for about 5 years, but it was time I sought out help from someone more equipped in mental health.
I don’t know what I expected, but I did not expect to be diagnosed with 4 different things. They all make perfect sense, but I guess after worrying so much that a doctor wouldn’t believe me and my struggles, I was just in pure shock.
It’s taken me weeks to even type this, or tell someone other than my husband and best friend.
I was diagnosed with
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Major Depressive Disorder
- Panic Disorder
These don’t really surprise me, it’s more just surprising I finally have a written diagnosis to explain what I feel. I am on more medication that will *hopefully* help me once we find the right medication and dosing.
I am just really sad that it took me this long to seek help. It was a mixture of anxiety keeping me from making an appointment, fear of admitting I needed help, financial burdens, other physical health issues taking priority and society saying mental health is not important.
If you’re on the fence about seeking help- do it.
You have nothing to be ashamed about.
I know there’s many reasons in your head to not ask for the help you need, but the only reason that truly matters is you.
Your life is so important, and your mental health is incredibly important. You deserve to be the happiest version of yourself, and you deserve to make you a priority.
Mental health is nothing to be ashamed about.
I have anxiety, depression, a panic disorder and PTSD. Typing those words is incredibly difficult, but living with it any longer without help was even more difficult.