Eighteen days ago I had my sinus node (natural pacemaker) ablated.
Since then, it’s been literal ups and downs. Hitting the 30’s and then jumping up to the 100’s. It was exhausting. Physically and emotionally. My heart still literally hurts as it’s still inflamed from being burned.
But some good news- my heart rate is not going above the 120’s (as of now). Before, on the highest dose of my medications, it was reaching 180’s often and occasionally 200. So this is definitely a huge improvement.
I’m hopeful this will give me a better quality of life.
But with that being said, I’m still struggling. Without medicine to slow my heart, I feel like I’m running a marathon constantly. Simple tasks are almost impossible to do (safely). So I am back on medication. The goal of the procedure wasn’t necessarily to take me off medicine, but it was to slow my heart down enough that if I needed medicine, it would be more effective.
I will say, if I have learned one thing during this process, it’s that finding the right doctor is so important. Especially if you have a chronic illness. It took making the decision to leave three other cardiologists over the span of two years, because I did not feel like they were truly listening to me. I finally landed on the office I see today, and it was literally a miracle in itself. This procedure was risky, and is not a common one. Most cardiologists are against it. Rightfully so. But over the past five years of seeing my doctor, I have formed a trust with him. Literally trusting with my life, and knew that this was the right choice for me.
I’ve had many people reach out to me asking if the procedure worked, and I know they are asking with the best intentions. But my heart will never be fully healed. I will most likely need to be on medication to slow down my heart for the rest of my life. Managing symptoms and controlling it the best we can, is all we can do. It’s been eight years of learning to come to terms with that. I keep doing these procedures, and each one of the procedures makes life more manageable. The symptoms are less debilitating as the years go on. And all of that is because of a cardiologist that hasn’t given up on me, heart failure medication that finally was approved in the United States for IST, and prayers from you.
Am I healed? no.
Will I ever be? Probably not. Unless a miracle happens. But miracles happen all the time, so it’s definitely possible.
Am I okay if I am never healed? eh. I am learning to see purpose through this pain.
Am I better than I was on September 9, 2021? Absolutely.
I am happy with how it turned out. Do I wish I was 100% healed? Sure. But I am so very thankful for even the slightest “better”.