Thursday, I woke up with my left arm barely working. It’s nothing new. My whole left side of my body goes numb all throughout the day and we have zero idea why. We only have theories. But Thursday was really bad, so I did what I typically don’t do- I went to the primary care physician. Before the doctor came in, the nurse came in and said it would be best for me to not waste the money and be seen, because the doctor would not know what is wrong.

I have never felt so defeated, before an appointment even started. I expressed how although they believe it is neurological, I wanted to rule out anything else that a neurologist might would miss. The nurse was hesitant. But, she got the doctor.

I could already feel the urge to cry. But I held back.

The doctor came in and before I could even explain what was wrong, she said “I’m going to tell you the same thing other doctors are telling you, and do the same tests they’ve already done. I have no answers for you”.

Shattered.

I stepped one foot out of the office and immediately started crying.

I don’t understand how one whole side of my body is simply failing me, and no one has any answers or treatment.

There are days I can barely walk or use my left arm. Typing or writing is extremely difficult at times.

You can draw a line down my body, and everything to the left is the issue. That includes that half of my throat, tongue and eyes.

It’s exhausting. Physically and mentally.

But Thursday, I simply cried. Cried because I just wanted someone to step outside of the box and try to figure this out. I know there’s an order to things, but my body is not typical. I really need a doctor that will step out of the box to find the cause. Because I know it’s not going to be found inside the box.