I try to be honest as much as possible, but somedays it’s hard. Especially to be honest with myself. 

I am not okay. I am slowly loosing everything it feels like. Since February 2021, my entire left side of my body has been slowly dwindling away.

I just feel overwhelmed. In my heart I know what’s going on with my body, and that scares me. But getting an official diagnosis is hard. 

But at the same time, I don’t know. I just know my strength in my left side of my body is slowly fading.

It’s hard to not get frustrated. Sometimes I hate my body. I question why me.

Why do I have to go through this?

I try to believe hard that there is a reason for it. That maybe someone out there needs my story. If I believe there’s a purpose behind the pain, it makes it easier. 

People have reached out and asked what’s going on, what diagnosis I’ve been given and such. 

For the first time I finally had a doctor give me the words for what’s been going on for so long. I never knew how to describe it before. 

Basically a really bad migraine, but instead of just in my head, it’s on the entire left side of my body. The pain becomes unbearable at times. I take medication four times a day, and in between, the pain can become very bad. But I am so thankful for medication. 

I’ve been struggling for a year, but I finally feel like we are making a way to a final diagnosis. 

I become unable to use my left side at times, and I stutter on my words. 

My body mimics a stroke, but it really is just what they think is a Hemiplegic migraine, or also known as a complex migraine- a neurological disorder. 

When I researched about it, it honestly made so much sense-Hemiplegic migraine is a rare and serious type of migraine headache. Many of its symptoms mimic those common to stroke; for example, muscle weakness can be so extreme that it causes a temporary paralysis on one side of your body, which doctors call hemiplegia. 

For me, it affects my vision in my left eye, my hearing in my left ear, my ability to use my left arm, and the ability to speak and walk. It also causes the most extreme pain I know to describe. 

As of now, that’s my newest diagnosis (to add to the many). 

But, even though some days I don’t feel okay, I know I will be. 

I move forward. I will find the good in it. Having a diagnosis just gives validity, which also gives hope.