When I was 14, in 8th grade, I started experiencing excruciating pain in my legs. Doctors dismissed it as growing pains. 

It truly affected every aspect of my life. Sitting through class at school was hard. I’d have to leave every single class half way through to go walk the hall because sitting was so painful.

Driving longer than 20 minutes caused so much pain. Going on vacation was dreadful because I knew how much i’d be suffering during the drive. 

I could never get a full night of sleep, because laying down caused pain.

The pain would make me nauseous. 

I was 14 when I prayed for God to just let me die. That’s how painful the pain is. I would pray to be in a car accident and have my legs amputated. 

It might seem dramatic, but I was exhausted.

I am now 27 years old, so I’ve been struggling with this for the past 13 years. Over a decade of my life. 

A year ago, I started having severe pain in my trigeminal nerve in. my face. Something that forever changed my life. But throughout that horrendous experience, I found true peace. The treatment cured my leg pain by probably 95%.

God turned this horrible ordeal with my facial pain, into almost curing my leg pain. 

We have realized now that my leg pain was nerve pain.

Now, I can do things I never could do before. 

I can sit in the car for more than 20 minutes without being in pain. Last December I went to Maryland, over 13 hours in the car, and I was not in pain. That is a miracle in itself!

I can sit in the floor and play with my kids.

I can watch a movie. 

I can simply lay in bed. 

For the first time in over a decade, I can get a full night of sleep. 

There’s so many things I can now do. 

I used to pray so much that God would heal me. Or atleast give me a doctor that knew the answers. I would get so mad at God. 

And then last March when my trigeminal neuralgia started, I was even more mad at God. How could I endure all this pain? 

I was lost. 

But, from that pain happening, I found the doctor that helped my leg pain.

I found a literal miracle drug. 

I haven’t talked about this much, but some difficult to understand aspects of chronic illness is that you get used to the pain. I learned to adapt to the pain. I would rarely go to the movie theater. I would rarely take long drives. I would not lay in bed until I knew i would fall asleep within 10 minutes. I would not sit in the floor and play with my kids. I would do anything to avoid rocking my babies in the chair. I would do so much to avoid the pain. 

And now I sit down, in awe. Awe that God almost fully healed me. Do I wish it happened sooner? Absolutely. I look back at all the things I missed out on. 

But I also am excited for the future that I get to have almost pain free. 

Do I wish I was fully healed and did not need daily medication four times a day? Of course. But through this experience I have learned to trust His ways. Even if I don’t understand it. Even if I am never fully healed. He has a reason behind everything.