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Admitting is half the battle.
I’m exhausted. Two years ago I began taking an antidepressant. It helped, and I knew it helped. But it wasn’t till the past few weeks that I realized how much it helped. Five weeks ago, after my son was born, my prescription also ran out. With being new to motherhood, and putting everything into taking care of my baby, I’ve put myself on the back burner- like trying to renew my meds. I was off of them the first trimester of my pregnancy, and I could tell a difference in myself, but I honestly thought it was just pregnancy hormones- now I know this feeling isn’t and wasn’t just hormones.…
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My Miracle.
Tomorrow you’ll be three weeks old. I’m still in awe that you’re even here. You made it so far. We made it so far. The 9 months was not easy on either of us. I had many emergency room trips and hospital stays, just to make sure you and I were both safe. I just wanted you safe. At 5 weeks I had a nurse tell me an abortion was the best thing for my health, and carrying a child would be too much on my body. I was scared, but I didn’t care what happened to me, because you were a beautiful baby planned for this world. The first…
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July and Triggers.
I haven’t done this in a while. I’ve missed writing, but I’ve had a difficult time coming up with words to say, especially when I know others are reading it. One thing I’ve realized the past few months, and really the past year, is that I will probably have to live with these thoughts forever. Last summer was when it really started to take over, and since then, it’s been increasingly getting worse. {Read this to know what I am referring to- Post 1, Post 2, Post 3, Post 4}. As the 4th of July starts to come around the corner, I find the memories coming back full speed. And…
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God is bigger than a high risk pregnancy.
Well, it’s been quite some time since I’ve written anything, mainly because the one thing I’ve wanted to write about, we haven’t been sharing. Now that we have made it public….. I’m going to be a mom! I am still in shock writing those words. But I could not be more excited and thankful for what God’s already done in these past ten weeks. I honestly did not think a month ago that we’d be here today- ten weeks pregnant. We’ve had a lot of scares, and I’ve spent weeks crying with fear that something was going wrong. But God showed me that even if something goes wrong, I still…
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Me too.
[You might be seeing a lot of “me too” posted on your social media feed. If you do not know why, it’s a way that people are bringing awareness to the massive amounts of people that have been sexually harassed or assaulted. Writing “me too”, means you are in that statistic.] I spoke out a while back, and it was the best thing I ever did. I will never be free from it. I’ve had people make comments that I should move on from this, and let it go. Nightmares cannot be simply let go. Panic attacks cannot be let go. The hurt cannot be let go. To the people that…
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You hurt me, but you did not win.
You hurt me. And you’ll never know. You’ll never know the pain you caused or the damage you caused me in my future relationships. You’ll never know and honestly, no one else will either. No one will ever truly understand what I’ve gone through the past year. No one knows the nightmares I have at night or the fear I feel in the dark, laying in bed. Just like you will never know. And maybe you do know. I sometimes wish I could sit across from you and explain to you what you caused but I know that you’ll never understand it. You’ll just put the blame on me, like…
