Writing has always been my form of healing. But, sharing that with the world isn’t easy. There’s really only one person I ever talk about this with, and seeing how I’m marrying that person, it’s kind of needed. Last year, I met a guy who told me he’d change my life, but little did I know the way he’d change it wasn’t anything like what I expected. You may refer back to “Speaking Out- I forgive you” if you want a little recap. Anyways- That last post was the first time I ever opened up about it. The first time I was able to set it free. I thought it’d get better. The dreams. The anxiety attacks. The pounding in my chest when someone would mention something that brought back memories. Memories that I want so badly to forget. Most think the relationship we had was just a short fling that meant nothing. Yes, it was short, but it didn’t mean nothing- it meant that I was forever bound with nightmares. Forever living with flashbacks. Trust me, I wish it meant simply nothing. It meant that I forever was living with something. I wish nothing more than to go back in time, and never have […]
I understand completely what you’re feeling. Having anxiety alone is exhausting, but trying to act like you’re fine adds another load to your shoulders. Now add being a Christian, it adds another layer to the mix.
People like to say all the time that- He gives us beauty for ashes and a spirit of joy for mourning. I’m struggling with believing that. You can tell me every single day that God has a plan and that all the pain is for a reason, but that doesn’t make the pain any easier.
This darkness consumes you. The ache in your chest continues. Your head is throbbing from overthinking. You feel as if you’re drowning. You want to scream for help, but you can’t speak. You want to run from it all, but you’re stuck. Stuck in these motions. Motions that continue, and continue.