• Will my story include healing?

    You hear it a lot, “pray and it’ll be answered”,  -but what if it isn’t? I believe in the power of prayer. There’s no doubt in my mind prayer works. An answered prayer is a true miracle.  But, do I believe every single prayer is answered? Yes, and no. I do not believe He always answers our prayers with the outcome we pray for.  God hears every single prayer, but I believe that God sometime’s says, not yet, and sometimes even no.  I recently read the story of the two blind men in the Bible. Matthew 9:27-31 27 As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, shouting, “Have mercy on…

  • One day is today.

    This month marks five years since I was first diagnosed with a temperamental heart. I’ve gone to more doctor appointments than I can count, and the longest I think I’ve ever gone in between appointments has maybe been around three months. Today, I was cleared for six months. SIX. I’ve been cleared for that long before, but I ended up going in earlier for an appointment. I’m really hoping this six months is really six months. I used to walk out to my car, upset, frustrated, mad at my body, mad at God. Honestly mad at everything. I would question why me. I would sit in my car and cry. I…

  • Left vs Right

    These are two medications I take daily. The left is a medication for my heart. It works to slow my heart down and allows my heart rate to be normal around 75% of the time. It doesn’t make my life normal but manageable. The right is an antidepressant. I have taken it for the last two years to help with depression and anxiety. It allows it to be reduced tremendously. It’s not a ‘happy pill’ but it makes every day a little more manageable. Both help me daily to be healthy so I can be the best wife and mother I can be. Yet, the one on the left society…

  • God is bigger than a high risk pregnancy.

    Well, it’s been quite some time since I’ve written anything, mainly because the one thing I’ve wanted to write about, we haven’t been sharing. Now that we have made it public….. I’m going to be a mom! I am still in shock writing those words. But I could not be more excited and thankful for what God’s already done in these past ten weeks. I honestly did not think a month ago that we’d be here today- ten weeks pregnant. We’ve had a lot of scares, and I’ve spent weeks crying with fear that something was going wrong. But God showed me that even if something goes wrong, I still…

  • Holding on to Hope.

    A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life.  And then it happened yesterday: the beginning of another blackout.  I was heartbroken all over again. I was on the verge of crying, and just wanted to go hide in my room, and lock everyone out. I have experienced a lot of high heart rates, a lot more than I had been recently, which scares me even more. It was suppose to be successful, yet I’m experiencing more episodes.  I am trying to…

  • Thy will be done.

    It’s hard to think that God planned this. The pain.  That he looked at me, and said, “I’m giving her this. I’m giving her all these strange heart conditions that doctors don’t understand, but is okay because she can handle it”.  Some days I just want to scream at God. Some days I want to cry to God. Most days, I don’t know how to handle it.  I don’t know whether to be mad or sad.  I have a love/hate relationship with this time of the year. December will mark 3 years since my first diagnosis.  I remember sitting in the small room, thinking, “this is no big deal”.  Little did I…