My Journey (health)

Holding on to Hope.

Holding on to Hope.

A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life.  And then it happened yesterday: the beginning […]

Thy will be done.

Thy will be done.

It’s hard to think that God planned this. The pain.  That he looked at me, and said, “I’m giving her this. I’m giving her all these strange heart conditions that doctors don’t understand, but is okay because she can handle it”.  Some days I just […]

In the eye of the storm.

In the eye of the storm.

I sometimes don’t talk about it, so some people think that I’m okay, or that I’m better. To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever know what better feels like. And that scares me. But, at the same time, I am getting used to […]

They are beyond grateful.

They are beyond grateful.

Donating blood, organs, or anything else has always fascinated me, especially after struggling with my heart. I have a condition that no one can donate something so simply, and help me get better. If they could, it would be amazing- but no one can. So […]

A Letter to God From The Girl That Desperately Wants to be Healthy.

A Letter to God From The Girl That Desperately Wants to be Healthy.

God,  I hate this. I used to say that I hated you because of unanswered prayers. I’m sorry- I don’t hate you. I just hate this. The pain. The unanswered tests. The unanswered prayers. The longing to be healthy. I never used to despise medication […]

Even if.

Even if.

Many days I ask myself what I will do if this never goes away. What will happen if this is the plan God has for my life? Just one diagnosis after another, without relief.  Some days I think about my life, and wonder how it […]

I want to be labeled as healthy.

I want to be labeled as healthy.

7 years ago I made the decision to become a vegetarian. It was an innocent decision that lasted for a few years that way. Then it slowly started to become my excuse.  My excuse to not have to eat much. My excuse I could use […]

I am not okay- yet.

I am not okay- yet.

Today started out not so good. Long story short, I broke down in tears in the bathroom (even though I shed a few at my desk). For the first time I realized how much this was affecting me, and how I can no longer hide […]

200.

200.

For the first time in a really long time I am okay.  I went to yet another appointment last Friday. I was somewhere between ‘dreading it’ and ‘hopeful’. I left actually feeling okay about it all, which is a first. Like most appointments, I was […]

One day.

One day.

The last few weeks I’ve felt okay- a lot better than usual. I still didn’t feel 100% better, but a little better is enough for me. I stopped myself, and reflected on how I hadn’t had a bad episode in a few weeks, and I […]