• July and Triggers.

    I haven’t done this in a while. I’ve missed writing, but I’ve had a difficult time coming up with words to say, especially when I know others are reading it. One thing I’ve realized the past few months, and really the past year, is that I will probably have to live with these thoughts forever. Last summer was when it really started to take over, and since then, it’s been increasingly getting worse. {Read this to know what I am referring to- Post 1, Post 2, Post 3, Post 4}. As the 4th of July starts to come around the corner, I find the memories coming back full speed. And…

  • Me too.

    [You might be seeing a lot of “me too” posted on your social media feed. If you do not know why, it’s a way that people are bringing awareness to the massive amounts of people that have been sexually harassed or assaulted. Writing “me too”, means you are in that statistic.] I spoke out a while back, and it was the best thing I ever did. I will never be free from it. I’ve had people make comments that I should move on from this, and let it go.  Nightmares cannot be simply let go.  Panic attacks cannot be let go.  The hurt cannot be let go.  To the people that…

  • You hurt me, but you did not win.

    You hurt me. And you’ll never know. You’ll never know the pain you caused or the damage you caused me in my future relationships. You’ll never know and honestly, no one else will either. No one will ever truly understand what I’ve gone through the past year. No one knows the nightmares I have at night or the fear I feel in the dark, laying in bed. Just like you will never know. And maybe you do know. I sometimes wish I could sit across from you and explain to you what you caused but I know that you’ll never understand it. You’ll just put the blame on me, like…

  • I was her.

    I was you. The girl that thinks her turn will never come. The girl that wanted the fairytale but felt like she wasn’t worthy of the happy ending. The girl that prayed and prayed for her price charming to show up. I was her. I was her. The girl that had her heart broken when a guy chose someone else besides her. The girl that wanted to be more than “just friends”. The girl that thought no one would ever love her. I was her.  I was her. The girl that wasn’t happy when she looked in the mirror and thought to herself, “why would anyone want to be with…

  • Emotional abuse: you are not alone.

    Writing has always been my form of healing. But, sharing that with the world isn’t easy. There’s really only one person I ever talk about this with, and seeing how I’m marrying that person, it’s kind of needed.  Last year, I met a guy who told me he’d change my life, but little did I know the way he’d change it wasn’t anything like what I expected. You may refer back to “Speaking Out- I forgive you” if you want a little recap. Anyways- That last post was the first time I ever opened up about it. The first time I was able to set it free. I thought it’d get better. The dreams.…

  • Speaking Out- I forgive you.

    I never wanted to write this out. Never wanted the words to be visible. But the last few days have made me realize that until I make peace with this, and you, I will never be able to truly move past this.  You hurt me.  Plain and simple. You hurt me in the most vulnerable places of my soul. You took things away from me that I can never get back.  When I first met you, you had a way about you that made me feel safe, until you slowly turned that safety into control.  You could say jump, and I would have jumped. And you knew that. You knew…