• I was her.

    I was you. The girl that thinks her turn will never come. The girl that wanted the fairytale but felt like she wasn’t worthy of the happy ending. The girl that prayed and prayed for her price charming to show up. I was her. I was her. The girl that had her heart broken when a guy chose someone else besides her. The girl that wanted to be more than “just friends”. The girl that thought no one would ever love her. I was her.  I was her. The girl that wasn’t happy when she looked in the mirror and thought to herself, “why would anyone want to be with…

  • A letter I wrote before I met, The One.

    I wrote this post about 6 months before I met my future husband. That last year before I met him, I prayed and prayed. I had never prayed so much for a guy I had never met in my life. I had heartbreaks during that time, and I felt so defeated. I know being 21 was young, and I had nothing to fret over. But when you’ve waited and waited for God to send you the one, and you’ve had your heart broken multiple times, the waiting seems to drag on and on.  I will say this: If you’re currently in the process of waiting- wait. Although I believe that heartbreaks…

  • My fairy tale.

    I always wanted a fairy tale. You know, the one that the girl that is struggling never imagines she’ll have. Years ago I started struggling in secret- with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. I never thought that anyone would ever love me, much less, ever have my own fairy tale.  I was single, for a very long time. I wanted to wait for the right guy. I will admit, I stumbled during that wait, but I’m proud to say that my path led me to where and who I am with today.  If you would have asked me who my dream guy was, I would have told you many…

  • Holding on to Hope.

    A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life.  And then it happened yesterday: the beginning of another blackout.  I was heartbroken all over again. I was on the verge of crying, and just wanted to go hide in my room, and lock everyone out. I have experienced a lot of high heart rates, a lot more than I had been recently, which scares me even more. It was suppose to be successful, yet I’m experiencing more episodes.  I am trying to…

  • Thy will be done.

    It’s hard to think that God planned this. The pain.  That he looked at me, and said, “I’m giving her this. I’m giving her all these strange heart conditions that doctors don’t understand, but is okay because she can handle it”.  Some days I just want to scream at God. Some days I want to cry to God. Most days, I don’t know how to handle it.  I don’t know whether to be mad or sad.  I have a love/hate relationship with this time of the year. December will mark 3 years since my first diagnosis.  I remember sitting in the small room, thinking, “this is no big deal”.  Little did I…

  • In the eye of the storm.

    I sometimes don’t talk about it, so some people think that I’m okay, or that I’m better. To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever know what better feels like. And that scares me. But, at the same time, I am getting used to feeling broken. To feeling like I’m stuck in this hole, and I’ll never get out of it. People have questions. They’re curious.  But, explaining it is hard. Doctors can barely explain, so how can I? It’s like living in a cloud. Living in pain.  The other day, for the first time ever, I started blacking out, and had somewhat of a convulsion in the middle.…