• Emotional abuse: you are not alone.

    Writing has always been my form of healing. But, sharing that with the world isn’t easy. There’s really only one person I ever talk about this with, and seeing how I’m marrying that person, it’s kind of needed.  Last year, I met a guy who told me he’d change my life, but little did I know the way he’d change it wasn’t anything like what I expected. You may refer back to “Speaking Out- I forgive you” if you want a little recap. Anyways- That last post was the first time I ever opened up about it. The first time I was able to set it free. I thought it’d get better. The dreams.…

  • Speaking Out- I forgive you.

    I never wanted to write this out. Never wanted the words to be visible. But the last few days have made me realize that until I make peace with this, and you, I will never be able to truly move past this.  You hurt me.  Plain and simple. You hurt me in the most vulnerable places of my soul. You took things away from me that I can never get back.  When I first met you, you had a way about you that made me feel safe, until you slowly turned that safety into control.  You could say jump, and I would have jumped. And you knew that. You knew…

  • A letter I wrote before I met, The One.

    I wrote this post about 6 months before I met my future husband. That last year before I met him, I prayed and prayed. I had never prayed so much for a guy I had never met in my life. I had heartbreaks during that time, and I felt so defeated. I know being 21 was young, and I had nothing to fret over. But when you’ve waited and waited for God to send you the one, and you’ve had your heart broken multiple times, the waiting seems to drag on and on.  I will say this: If you’re currently in the process of waiting- wait. Although I believe that heartbreaks…

  • To the best friend I lost.

    I miss you. Simple as that.  I never thought in a million years we would go out separate ways. We used to joke about how we would get matching tattoos, but we would never get them with a guy- because we had more faith in our friendship than a relationship with a guy.  I think about you daily. And it hurts. It hurts because when I wanted to cry to someone, my first instinct was to text you. When I was happy, I just wanted to share it with you.  I’ve never experienced a pain like this. I’ve cried more tears over this friendship ending than I ever thought possible.…

  • My fairy tale.

    I always wanted a fairy tale. You know, the one that the girl that is struggling never imagines she’ll have. Years ago I started struggling in secret- with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. I never thought that anyone would ever love me, much less, ever have my own fairy tale.  I was single, for a very long time. I wanted to wait for the right guy. I will admit, I stumbled during that wait, but I’m proud to say that my path led me to where and who I am with today.  If you would have asked me who my dream guy was, I would have told you many…

  • Holding on to Hope.

    A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life.  And then it happened yesterday: the beginning of another blackout.  I was heartbroken all over again. I was on the verge of crying, and just wanted to go hide in my room, and lock everyone out. I have experienced a lot of high heart rates, a lot more than I had been recently, which scares me even more. It was suppose to be successful, yet I’m experiencing more episodes.  I am trying to…