It’s been a week and a half since my ablation. Things are 50/50 honestly. Around the house, doing normal tasks, my heart is doing amazing. But when I try to do anything more, my heart goes back into episodes. A few days ago I went to the grocery store with my son. Normal day, doing normal tasks. When I got back to our apartment, I carried him up the stairs, and I instantly could tell my heart was going into an episode. It took an hour for it to go back to normal. My heart felt shattered. My emotions felt all over the place. I won’t know until next week…
-
-
My reason why.
Sometimes when we are going through hardships, we question- “why?“ I do that a lot. Especially when I am trying my hardest to just make it through one more day. One more episode. One more dizzy spell. One more blood pressure crash. One more heart arrhythmia. My reason why is this boy. Years before I saw those two pink lines, I knew the road to this moment would be a struggle. I considered adoption and surrogacy, because I wasn’t sure what the future years would entail, and how my body would handle a pregnancy. A few months before I found out I was pregnant, I decided that no matter the…
-
My Next Chance: Surgery Round 3.
I haven’t shared much lately on my heart because honestly I haven’t known what to say. I’ve struggled with a heart condition for the last 6 years. It doesn’t get easier, but you become more numb. Numb to the pain. Numb to the understanding that you might never have a normal day again. I can normally tell when my heart is getting bad again. Since January I’ve had bad chest pain and numbness in my left arm. It comes and goes, lasting for days at a time. Breathing has become difficult, especially when standing or walking. It’s my normal. Yesterday I finally saw my doctor for my regular check-up. My…
-
Three Years Post Cardiac Catheterization
Tomorrow marks three years since I had my first heart surgery. I actually had two that day. I went in for a heart catheterization, and a hopeful ablation. I left with a heart catheterization, and then a second procedure to implant a loop recorder. Tomorrow marks three years since I found out firsthand that doctors can’t fix everything, no matter how many medical advancements there are. That a 99.9% success rate means nothing when you’re that .1%. I learned how it would feel to wake up from a surgery, so hopeful, and then to have your dreams crushed by a nurse that tells you it did not work but that there is…
-
Things I’ve learned about Motherhood.
I love being a mama. I always dreamed of motherhood. I never imagined the choices I would have to make in order to carry a child. I never knew how hard just daily life would be keeping up with an [almost] toddler, and my heart. Although motherhood isn’t easy all the time, it’s been an amazing journey, and I’m so THANKFUL to have the opportunity to celebrate my first Mother’s Day on Sunday. I’m new to the motherhood tribe, but I’ve learned a few things. You are meant to be their mom. No matter how many times you ‘think’ you failed them- you didn’t. God placed you as their mama…
-
You are enough for motherhood.
I used to dream of being a mom. I could not wait to embark on that journey. But then my journey with a chronic illness began. I was 18, in college, and single, so I never thought much of my future as a mom. I then started dating, and the thought of being a mom would come and go from my mind. I’d ask myself if I even thought it would be possible. I considered all my options- adoption, surrogacy, and pregnancy. I knew ultimately I wanted to be a mom no matter how that came about, but I really desired to carry my own child. A few years into…
