• July and Triggers.

    I haven’t done this in a while. I’ve missed writing, but I’ve had a difficult time coming up with words to say, especially when I know others are reading it. One thing I’ve realized the past few months, and really the past year, is that I will probably have to live with these thoughts forever. Last summer was when it really started to take over, and since then, it’s been increasingly getting worse. {Read this to know what I am referring to- Post 1, Post 2, Post 3, Post 4}. As the 4th of July starts to come around the corner, I find the memories coming back full speed. And…

  • God is bigger than a high risk pregnancy.

    Well, it’s been quite some time since I’ve written anything, mainly because the one thing I’ve wanted to write about, we haven’t been sharing. Now that we have made it public….. I’m going to be a mom! I am still in shock writing those words. But I could not be more excited and thankful for what God’s already done in these past ten weeks. I honestly did not think a month ago that we’d be here today- ten weeks pregnant. We’ve had a lot of scares, and I’ve spent weeks crying with fear that something was going wrong. But God showed me that even if something goes wrong, I still…

  • Me too.

    [You might be seeing a lot of “me too” posted on your social media feed. If you do not know why, it’s a way that people are bringing awareness to the massive amounts of people that have been sexually harassed or assaulted. Writing “me too”, means you are in that statistic.] I spoke out a while back, and it was the best thing I ever did. I will never be free from it. I’ve had people make comments that I should move on from this, and let it go.  Nightmares cannot be simply let go.  Panic attacks cannot be let go.  The hurt cannot be let go.  To the people that…

  • Emotional abuse: you are not alone.

    Writing has always been my form of healing. But, sharing that with the world isn’t easy. There’s really only one person I ever talk about this with, and seeing how I’m marrying that person, it’s kind of needed.  Last year, I met a guy who told me he’d change my life, but little did I know the way he’d change it wasn’t anything like what I expected. You may refer back to “Speaking Out- I forgive you” if you want a little recap. Anyways- That last post was the first time I ever opened up about it. The first time I was able to set it free. I thought it’d get better. The dreams.…

  • Holding on to Hope.

    A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life.  And then it happened yesterday: the beginning of another blackout.  I was heartbroken all over again. I was on the verge of crying, and just wanted to go hide in my room, and lock everyone out. I have experienced a lot of high heart rates, a lot more than I had been recently, which scares me even more. It was suppose to be successful, yet I’m experiencing more episodes.  I am trying to…

  • In the eye of the storm.

    I sometimes don’t talk about it, so some people think that I’m okay, or that I’m better. To be honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever know what better feels like. And that scares me. But, at the same time, I am getting used to feeling broken. To feeling like I’m stuck in this hole, and I’ll never get out of it. People have questions. They’re curious.  But, explaining it is hard. Doctors can barely explain, so how can I? It’s like living in a cloud. Living in pain.  The other day, for the first time ever, I started blacking out, and had somewhat of a convulsion in the middle.…