• I’m still moving forward.

    It’s been a week and a half since my ablation. Things are 50/50 honestly. Around the house, doing normal tasks, my heart is doing amazing. But when I try to do anything more, my heart goes back into episodes. A few days ago I went to the grocery store with my son. Normal day, doing normal tasks. When I got back to our apartment, I carried him up the stairs, and I instantly could tell my heart was going into an episode. It took an hour for it to go back to normal. My heart felt shattered. My emotions felt all over the place. I won’t know until next week…

  • I do not understand this season- and that’s okay.

    Many days I do not understand. I do not understand the pain. Why God chose me to carry this weight. To carry the struggles. Why my prayers don’t seem to be answered. Why little tasks, like standing, are hard to accomplish without my vision going out, and my heart beating out of my chest. But then I remember- God carried so much more. He carried the cross for people He knew would never follow him. He forgives us. Forgives us for when we don’t trust in Him. He never strays from us even when we question His plans for our life. There’s so many days I am mad at God.…

  • My Next Chance: Surgery Round 3.

    I haven’t shared much lately on my heart because honestly I haven’t known what to say. I’ve struggled with a heart condition for the last 6 years. It doesn’t get easier, but you become more numb. Numb to the pain. Numb to the understanding that you might never have a normal day again. I can normally tell when my heart is getting bad again. Since January I’ve had bad chest pain and numbness in my left arm. It comes and goes, lasting for days at a time. Breathing has become difficult, especially when standing or walking. It’s my normal.  Yesterday I finally saw my doctor for my regular check-up. My…

  • Things I’ve learned about Motherhood.

    I love being a mama. I always dreamed of motherhood. I never imagined the choices I would have to make in order to carry a child. I never knew how hard just daily life would be keeping up with an [almost] toddler, and my heart. Although motherhood isn’t easy all the time, it’s been an amazing journey, and I’m so THANKFUL to have the opportunity to celebrate my first Mother’s Day on Sunday. I’m new to the motherhood tribe, but I’ve learned a few things. You are meant to be their mom. No matter how many times you ‘think’ you failed them- you didn’t. God placed you as their mama…

  • Will my story include healing?

    You hear it a lot, “pray and it’ll be answered”,  -but what if it isn’t? I believe in the power of prayer. There’s no doubt in my mind prayer works. An answered prayer is a true miracle.  But, do I believe every single prayer is answered? Yes, and no. I do not believe He always answers our prayers with the outcome we pray for.  God hears every single prayer, but I believe that God sometime’s says, not yet, and sometimes even no.  I recently read the story of the two blind men in the Bible. Matthew 9:27-31 27 As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, shouting, “Have mercy on…

  • You are enough for motherhood.

    I used to dream of being a mom. I could not wait to embark on that journey. But then my journey with a chronic illness began. I was 18, in college, and single, so I never thought much of my future as a mom. I then started dating, and the thought of being a mom would come and go from my mind. I’d ask myself if I even thought it would be possible. I considered all my options- adoption, surrogacy, and pregnancy. I knew ultimately I wanted to be a mom no matter how that came about, but I really desired to carry my own child. A few years into…