• I want to be labeled as healthy.

    7 years ago I made the decision to become a vegetarian. It was an innocent decision that lasted for a few years that way. Then it slowly started to become my excuse.  My excuse to not have to eat much. My excuse I could use when I wanted to skip a meal. “Oh, there’s nothing here I can eat“ My excuse to eat as little as possible.  Vegetarianism can be healthy. For me, it wasn’t about a lifestyle change or better eating habits- it was a way to hide the fact that I hated my body. It was the excuse that people would believe when I wouldn’t eat.  Vegetarianism is…

  • 200.

    For the first time in a really long time I am okay.  I went to yet another appointment last Friday. I was somewhere between ‘dreading it’ and ‘hopeful’. I left actually feeling okay about it all, which is a first. Like most appointments, I was put on more medication. But like most appointments, I was really hoping for something different. I am so tired of taking medications to “fix” the problem when it doesn’t fix anything. He also decided that it’s time to see a neurologist. Another doctor added to my lovely list. Yet I am praying another set of opinions and eyes will find the cause to it all. …

  • One day.

    The last few weeks I’ve felt okay- a lot better than usual. I still didn’t feel 100% better, but a little better is enough for me. I stopped myself, and reflected on how I hadn’t had a bad episode in a few weeks, and I was happy. Because like I said, a little better has always been enough.  And then it came- a bad episode.  Although the episodes are painful, I hate them for another reason. I hate them because people see me as not being okay. I do my best, and I’ve never allowed anyone to see what it’s really like. I smile, and tell them I’m fine.  But…

  • Society has created a stigma and I want that stigma to be erased.

    This darkness consumes you. The ache in your chest continues. Your head is throbbing from overthinking. You feel as if you’re drowning. You want to scream for help, but you can’t speak. You want to run from it all, but you’re stuck. Stuck in these motions. Motions that continue, and continue.