• My Next Chance: Surgery Round 3.

    I haven’t shared much lately on my heart because honestly I haven’t known what to say. I’ve struggled with a heart condition for the last 6 years. It doesn’t get easier, but you become more numb. Numb to the pain. Numb to the understanding that you might never have a normal day again. I can normally tell when my heart is getting bad again. Since January I’ve had bad chest pain and numbness in my left arm. It comes and goes, lasting for days at a time. Breathing has become difficult, especially when standing or walking. It’s my normal.  Yesterday I finally saw my doctor for my regular check-up. My…

  • One day is today.

    This month marks five years since I was first diagnosed with a temperamental heart. I’ve gone to more doctor appointments than I can count, and the longest I think I’ve ever gone in between appointments has maybe been around three months. Today, I was cleared for six months. SIX. I’ve been cleared for that long before, but I ended up going in earlier for an appointment. I’m really hoping this six months is really six months. I used to walk out to my car, upset, frustrated, mad at my body, mad at God. Honestly mad at everything. I would question why me. I would sit in my car and cry. I…

  • God is bigger than a high risk pregnancy.

    Well, it’s been quite some time since I’ve written anything, mainly because the one thing I’ve wanted to write about, we haven’t been sharing. Now that we have made it public….. I’m going to be a mom! I am still in shock writing those words. But I could not be more excited and thankful for what God’s already done in these past ten weeks. I honestly did not think a month ago that we’d be here today- ten weeks pregnant. We’ve had a lot of scares, and I’ve spent weeks crying with fear that something was going wrong. But God showed me that even if something goes wrong, I still…

  • Beauty from Pain

    People like to say all the time that-  He gives us beauty for ashes and a spirit of joy for mourning. I’m struggling with believing that. You can tell me every single day that God has a plan and that all the pain is for a reason, but that doesn’t make the pain any easier.