You hear it a lot, “pray and it’ll be answered”, -but what if it isn’t? I believe in the power of prayer. There’s no doubt in my mind prayer works. An answered prayer is a true miracle. But, do I believe every single prayer is answered? Yes, and no. I do not believe He always answers our prayers with the outcome we pray for. God hears every single prayer, but I believe that God sometime’s says, not yet, and sometimes even no. I recently read the story of the two blind men in the Bible. Matthew 9:27-31 27 As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed him, shouting, “Have mercy on…
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You are enough for motherhood.
I used to dream of being a mom. I could not wait to embark on that journey. But then my journey with a chronic illness began. I was 18, in college, and single, so I never thought much of my future as a mom. I then started dating, and the thought of being a mom would come and go from my mind. I’d ask myself if I even thought it would be possible. I considered all my options- adoption, surrogacy, and pregnancy. I knew ultimately I wanted to be a mom no matter how that came about, but I really desired to carry my own child. A few years into…
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A little honesty.
Being a mom has been amazing, and I am so blessed to have my son in my life. The love I have for him is indescribable. A few years ago I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to carry a baby, or have the energy to be a mom. I was at a very low time in my life emotionally, and physically. My body felt like it was failing me. Doctor appointments, medications, and the right treatment got me to a good place where I felt like I could make my dream to be a mom a reality. We planned our precious baby. The first month was easy. The…
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Our story choosing life.
October 3, I saw two pink lines. I was excited, and scared. Scared because I knew the risks that would come. My baby was no surprise, yet he was planned- by us, and by God. I knew the hardship that I would go through. I had a hard time finding an OB that would accept me. Even after finding an OB that would accept me, they didn’t want to accept my baby’s life with the same value as my own. To me, my child was not a clump of cells, but he was a human- my precious baby. It was the hardest nine months of my life. I tried to…
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Holding on to Hope.
A few days ago I had a successful ablation (a procedure that is used to scar small areas in your heart that may be causing arrhythmias). I was so happy to finally {hopefully} be able to have a normal life. And then it happened yesterday: the beginning of another blackout. I was heartbroken all over again. I was on the verge of crying, and just wanted to go hide in my room, and lock everyone out. I have experienced a lot of high heart rates, a lot more than I had been recently, which scares me even more. It was suppose to be successful, yet I’m experiencing more episodes. I am trying to…
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Thy will be done.
It’s hard to think that God planned this. The pain. That he looked at me, and said, “I’m giving her this. I’m giving her all these strange heart conditions that doctors don’t understand, but is okay because she can handle it”. Some days I just want to scream at God. Some days I want to cry to God. Most days, I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know whether to be mad or sad. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of the year. December will mark 3 years since my first diagnosis. I remember sitting in the small room, thinking, “this is no big deal”. Little did I…
