• I do not understand this season- and that’s okay.

    Many days I do not understand. I do not understand the pain. Why God chose me to carry this weight. To carry the struggles. Why my prayers don’t seem to be answered. Why little tasks, like standing, are hard to accomplish without my vision going out, and my heart beating out of my chest. But then I remember- God carried so much more. He carried the cross for people He knew would never follow him. He forgives us. Forgives us for when we don’t trust in Him. He never strays from us even when we question His plans for our life. There’s so many days I am mad at God.…

  • My Next Chance: Surgery Round 3.

    I haven’t shared much lately on my heart because honestly I haven’t known what to say. I’ve struggled with a heart condition for the last 6 years. It doesn’t get easier, but you become more numb. Numb to the pain. Numb to the understanding that you might never have a normal day again. I can normally tell when my heart is getting bad again. Since January I’ve had bad chest pain and numbness in my left arm. It comes and goes, lasting for days at a time. Breathing has become difficult, especially when standing or walking. It’s my normal.  Yesterday I finally saw my doctor for my regular check-up. My…

  • Three Years Post Cardiac Catheterization

    Tomorrow marks three years since I had my first heart surgery. I actually had two that day.  I went in for a heart catheterization, and a hopeful ablation. I left with a heart catheterization, and then a second procedure to implant a loop recorder. Tomorrow marks three years since I found out firsthand that doctors can’t fix everything, no matter how many medical advancements there are. That a 99.9% success rate means nothing when you’re that .1%. I learned how it would feel to wake up from a surgery, so hopeful, and then to have your dreams crushed by a nurse that tells you it did not work but that there is…

  • Tomorrow is hope.

    For the past two and a half years I’ve dealt with a rapidly beating heart. People assume it’s no big deal, but having your heart beating out of your chest randomly, isn’t fun, and honestly besides being annoying, it can be painful.  I’ve searched and searched for answers. Finally- doctors concluded, ‘Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia’, which there is currently no cure for, just medications to try to help slow the heart down.  I’ve tried five medications, one being the newest one approved specifically for this condition- none worked enough for me to find relief.  When I first was told, “It looks like IST. Just take this medicine to help you feel…