• Little faith is all it takes | Pregnancy Update

    I wasn’t sure how much I would share, but writing on here is therapeutic for me.  On September 1, I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock. I was excited, but terrified.  On August 1, I had heart surgery, and was put on a new medication that was dangerous to conceive on. Therefore, this wasn’t planned (but God had plans of his own).   I stopped all four of my medications. I prayed and prayed. I was terrified the meds already did their damage.  Two weeks later I started bleeding. My heart sank. I just knew. The amount of guilt I had was unbearable for being on the medication.…

  • There’s bumps in the road, but I am okay.

    There’s been many times over the past six years that I’ve felt like my body was failing me. The one organ that is suppose to keep me alive is not wanting to work properly.  Last week I had my follow-up from my ablation, and my doctor was not happy with the results. For the first time in the four years that he’s been my doctor I finally felt like he understood the frustration. He understood how it felt to think a path is going to work, and then it doesn’t. The surgery was successful for a specific type of arrhythmia, but my heart is still having a lot of high…

  • My reason why.

    Sometimes when we are going through hardships, we question- “why?“ I do that a lot. Especially when I am trying my hardest to just make it through one more day. One more episode. One more dizzy spell. One more blood pressure crash. One more heart arrhythmia.  My reason why is this boy. Years before I saw those two pink lines, I knew the road to this moment would be a struggle. I considered adoption and surrogacy, because I wasn’t sure what the future years would entail, and how my body would handle a pregnancy. A few months before I found out I was pregnant, I decided that no matter the…

  • Things I’ve learned about Motherhood.

    I love being a mama. I always dreamed of motherhood. I never imagined the choices I would have to make in order to carry a child. I never knew how hard just daily life would be keeping up with an [almost] toddler, and my heart. Although motherhood isn’t easy all the time, it’s been an amazing journey, and I’m so THANKFUL to have the opportunity to celebrate my first Mother’s Day on Sunday. I’m new to the motherhood tribe, but I’ve learned a few things. You are meant to be their mom. No matter how many times you ‘think’ you failed them- you didn’t. God placed you as their mama…

  • You are enough for motherhood.

    I used to dream of being a mom. I could not wait to embark on that journey. But then my journey with a chronic illness began. I was 18, in college, and single, so I never thought much of my future as a mom. I then started dating, and the thought of being a mom would come and go from my mind. I’d ask myself if I even thought it would be possible. I considered all my options- adoption, surrogacy, and pregnancy. I knew ultimately I wanted to be a mom no matter how that came about, but I really desired to carry my own child. A few years into…

  • Our story choosing life.

    October 3, I saw two pink lines. I was excited, and scared. Scared because I knew the risks that would come. My baby was no surprise, yet he was planned- by us, and by God. I knew the hardship that I would go through. I had a hard time finding an OB that would accept me. Even after finding an OB that would accept me, they didn’t want to accept my baby’s life with the same value as my own. To me, my child was not a clump of cells, but he was a human- my precious baby. It was the hardest nine months of my life. I tried to…