• Even if.

    Many days I ask myself what I will do if this never goes away. What will happen if this is the plan God has for my life? Just one diagnosis after another, without relief.  Some days I think about my life, and wonder how it could get worse. How much more could I handle?  I hate answering the phone when the nurse calls, but at the same time, I know what to expect.  Yesterday I had another phone call.  Another diagnosis.  Another thing to add to my list.  Another thing to make life even more difficult.  Another thing that is another answer.  I hate to say that I’m slowly getting used…

  • Some hope.

    It’s not the outcome I wanted. I wanted to walk in those hospital doors with a misbehaving Herald (my heart is such a big part of my life, he deserved a name, right?! LOL), and walk out with a well-behaved Herald. Well that didn’t happen. I left with a tiny bit of hope implanted in my chest (literally). I was given a permanent heart monitor (linq recorder), which I will wear up to three years- until they find a cause for my heart’s rapid beating. Although it’s not the hope I was hoping for, it’s something. Usually after every disappointing appointment, I would leave questioning God. I would get mad…