I wasn’t sure how much I would share, but writing on here is therapeutic for me. On September 1, I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock. I was excited, but terrified. On August 1, I had heart surgery, and was put on a new medication that was dangerous to conceive on. Therefore, this wasn’t planned (but God had plans of his own). I stopped all four of my medications. I prayed and prayed. I was terrified the meds already did their damage. Two weeks later I started bleeding. My heart sank. I just knew. The amount of guilt I had was unbearable for being on the medication.…
-
-
I’m still moving forward.
It’s been a week and a half since my ablation. Things are 50/50 honestly. Around the house, doing normal tasks, my heart is doing amazing. But when I try to do anything more, my heart goes back into episodes. A few days ago I went to the grocery store with my son. Normal day, doing normal tasks. When I got back to our apartment, I carried him up the stairs, and I instantly could tell my heart was going into an episode. It took an hour for it to go back to normal. My heart felt shattered. My emotions felt all over the place. I won’t know until next week…
-
My reason why.
Sometimes when we are going through hardships, we question- “why?“ I do that a lot. Especially when I am trying my hardest to just make it through one more day. One more episode. One more dizzy spell. One more blood pressure crash. One more heart arrhythmia. My reason why is this boy. Years before I saw those two pink lines, I knew the road to this moment would be a struggle. I considered adoption and surrogacy, because I wasn’t sure what the future years would entail, and how my body would handle a pregnancy. A few months before I found out I was pregnant, I decided that no matter the…
-
Things I’ve learned about Motherhood.
I love being a mama. I always dreamed of motherhood. I never imagined the choices I would have to make in order to carry a child. I never knew how hard just daily life would be keeping up with an [almost] toddler, and my heart. Although motherhood isn’t easy all the time, it’s been an amazing journey, and I’m so THANKFUL to have the opportunity to celebrate my first Mother’s Day on Sunday. I’m new to the motherhood tribe, but I’ve learned a few things. You are meant to be their mom. No matter how many times you ‘think’ you failed them- you didn’t. God placed you as their mama…
-
You are enough for motherhood.
I used to dream of being a mom. I could not wait to embark on that journey. But then my journey with a chronic illness began. I was 18, in college, and single, so I never thought much of my future as a mom. I then started dating, and the thought of being a mom would come and go from my mind. I’d ask myself if I even thought it would be possible. I considered all my options- adoption, surrogacy, and pregnancy. I knew ultimately I wanted to be a mom no matter how that came about, but I really desired to carry my own child. A few years into…
-
A little honesty.
Being a mom has been amazing, and I am so blessed to have my son in my life. The love I have for him is indescribable. A few years ago I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to carry a baby, or have the energy to be a mom. I was at a very low time in my life emotionally, and physically. My body felt like it was failing me. Doctor appointments, medications, and the right treatment got me to a good place where I felt like I could make my dream to be a mom a reality. We planned our precious baby. The first month was easy. The…
